Sad

Well, I've gone the other direction from Naturalistic Simplicity.  I'm disappointed yet hopeful to get my life back on track.  I have been under the weather in the month of December/January.  This has made me overindulge as a compensation to my sufferings,  I ate a lot more.  I bought a lot of unnecessary things.

At this time being in this uncomfortable state, my body in an attempt to maintain balance has gone to the flight or fight mode.  Apparently it has decided to fight.  It was either be more reactive/defensive(fight) or ignore everything (flight/isolation).  I was more judgemental, more reactive to stoopid people, and often times jump through conclusions because I was looking after the id.  I also made the conscious effort to spend more time with my parents which made me more reactive because my dad's logic is illogical and my mom just doesn't think before she speaks.  So over all it has been a volatile time for me.

I've also learned a few lessons along the way.  One is that I've been wasting time on some friendships that turned out to be very one-sided.  Although I have very little close friends that I care about with all of my heart.  It's time to lessen the efforts with some people who are my "friends".  The other thing I'm trying to do is to judge people for their contribution to society instead of my impression of them.  Some people are naturally aggressive but they do great things for the world.  It's important to overlook some personal dysfunction if it is for the greater good.  I need to to get back to simple eating with whole foods, organics, and fruits to help my cells retain water.  I also need to spend less time with family to regain a grasp of my "ego-less" state.   Slower eating and less indulgence in food and materialism is needed.

I'm sorry if I had offended anyone during this time.  I realize that this is hard for me to overcome because this reactive nature has been pounded in by my parents since I was a kid.  However, because I am aware of this it can only get better from here.  I know what I have to focus on.  On the plus side, this fight mode made me a work machine.  I've been maintaining better long term focus at work and playing longer at a high level in sports.